


Blundering in the Past

by iMoony



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cancer, F/M, Hospice, M/M, in the closet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2529284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iMoony/pseuds/iMoony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean Kirstein has lived an interesting life, though probably not a good one and definitely not a long one. While staying at a hospice, awaiting his eventual death, Jean meets a young man who, for some reason, willingly listens to his story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blundering in the Past

**Author's Note:**

> I suggest that if you have a personal connection to cancer you do not read this story.
> 
> For those of you sticking around, I hope you like it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo, a new nurse at Rose Hospice, meets Mr. Kirstein for the first time. Maybe everyone's idea of what Mr. K is like isn't as right as they make it sound. Or maybe it's just something about Leo that makes people open up.

The new nurse at Rose Hospice grimaced as he looked at his cases for the day. It would figure that he would be given the most ornery patient they had on his first day. He had had a feeling he would be hazed but had hoped it was just him being anxious. Turns out he was right.

Leo had heard during his training the other day that Mr. Kirstein was slowly dying of lung cancer and seemed to still be in the anger stage of grief. The man was known to verbally lash out at nurses and doctors alike without provocation. He had a chip on his shoulder no one knew how to fix. All the other nurses had gossiped about how that may be why, in the month that Mr. Kirstein had been with them, he hadn’t received a single visitor.

Then again, none of Mr. Kirstein’s family knew where he was as far as anyone was aware. But if they had truly cared, they would have come searching for the man.

Leo couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He still felt a bit uneasy about having to take care of him on his first day, but it couldn’t be easy to be estranged from your family. Leo found he was curious along with a little apprehensive. Would he be a horrible person if he left Mr. Kirstein for last? _Yes,_ Leo thought sternly to himself, _you're supposed to check on them from most urgent to least… not by favorite_.

Without realizing it, though, Leo had ended up going to all his other patients’ rooms before going near Mr. Kirstein’s. He probably allowed himself to get distracted by conversations with his patients, but Leo wanted to make sure they were comfortable with him. Now he found nothing else could keep him busy other than his last patient. It wasn't until this moment that Leo realized that by taking this long to get to Mr. Kirstein he probably wasn’t earning any points.

Hesitantly, the male nurse knocked on the door before slowly opening it. Leo took a quick survey of the room and couldn’t stop his frown of concern. The room was still only decorated with what the Hospice provided; a couch, nightstand, a couple of photos of flowers, and a bed spread that was much too worn out.

“Finally!”

Leo started and turned his gaze to the man sitting up in the bed. He was reading a book. Leo assumed he was very enthralled in it because he still hadn’t put it down despite addressing the nurse. Instead the man glanced up at Leo and scowled before turning back to the story. Leo flushed with embarrassment before stepping farther in the room. “Sorry Mr. Kirstein. I didn't mean to keep you waiting.” Leo offered an apologetic smile and moved to open the curtains as was part of the usual morning routine.

“Bah! You lot are always so hesitan—Hey! Turn around.” The command came out with such bark that Leo nearly jumped again. Instead the nurse froze, his hand still on one of the now opened curtains, before turning slowly to face Mr. Kirstein who had laid down his book. Leo’s blush darkened at being surprised and he hoped he would not be mocked about it.

“Oh my God… You look just like him.” The words were stated with such hushed reverence Leo wasn’t sure if he was meant to hear them. Mr. Kirstein’s brow quickly furrowed. He stared intensely at Leo’s face, making the nurse very nervous. The man’s gaze seemed to be scrutinizing everything he could from a distance. “I thought for a second there…”

Leo would later wonder if it was a trick of the light, or maybe the sun was too bright for Mr. Kirstein since his table lamp was barely enough to read by, but in the moment Leo swore he saw the old man’s eyes fill up with tears. Before they could spill over, though, Mr. Kirstein swiped at them forcefully with his hands. The room then filled with the sound of his coughing and Leo rushed to his side.

“Are you alright? Do you need your oxygen?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” Mr. Kirstein managed to choke out. He waved aggressively at the fretting nurse as he took deep breaths. Leo hesitated before stepping back, staying poised to step forward should another coughing fit occur. “My lungs may be shit but I’m not about to let them tell me who’s boss.”

Leo couldn’t help but smile to himself and relaxed. “That’s the spirit, Mr. K.”

“Mr. K?”

Leo tensed again as he realized he had let the nickname slip from his lips. “I’m sorry, sir. I, uh, wasn’t sure how to pronounce your last name so I’ve been calling you that in my head until I had a chance to ask.” Leo smiled shyly. “I think I got too used to it.”

Mr. Kirstein didn’t exactly look upset with the nickname. He seemed more surprised by it. Eventually the old man returned Leo’s small smile. “It’s okay,” he said with a light chuckle, “You can go ahead and keep using it.”

“Th-thanks,” Leo said his smile much brighter. “Oh, uh, I’m Leo, by the way. I just started here after finishing my training last week. I’ll be your morning nurse from now on.” Leo moved to the foot of Mr. Kirstein’s bed and looked at the charts he found located there.

“Why’d you want to be hospice nurse?”

Leo flinched. Should he tell Mr. Kirstein the truth? The man certainly seemed to be on the blunt side and might appreciate honesty.

“I want,” Leo sighed, already feeling uncomfortable. He took a breath to focus his resolve. “I want to make sure that those that are dying are comfortable and well taken care of.” Leo still hadn’t looked up from the charts and he wasn’t planning to any time soon.

Suddenly a bark of a laugh could be heard from the head of the bed. Leo startled and stared at the source. Mr. Kirstein was actually laughing with such mirth it was hard to associate him with the grumpy man everyone warned Leo about.

“I like you, kid,” Mr. Kirstein finally got out. He calmed himself and smiled fondly at the nurse. “You didn’t whisper ‘dying’ like most of the assholes around here do. You’d think as caretakers of the dying they’d get over the taboo. I mean, you’re all practically grim reapers.”

Leo paled momentarily. The idea of being called a grim reaper was a little more morbid than he was comfortable with. “We aren’t… We aren’t reapers.”

“Fine,” Mr. Kirstein muttered, his sour look back on his face, “would you prefer ‘angels’?” Leo nodded and the man rolled his eyes with a scoff. “Figures. Painting yourself a hero for the dead.” Mr. Kirstein turned to stare out the window, signaling the end of their conversation.

Leo felt uneasy again as he continued to read the chart. He was actually very thankful to see that Mr. Kirstein needed a dose of pain medication in the morning. The excuse to leave to grab it was a blessing in disguise. While on his way back to the room, Leo took the time to mark down the things that had happened. Not everything, of course, just the medically important things.

Breakfast was already placed before Mr. Kirstein and Leo cautiously made his way directly up to the man. Slowly he placed the cup of pills on the tray beside the box of orange juice. “Your medication,” Leo said. He winced, realizing he was stating the obvious.

“Thanks,” was Mr. Kirstein’s simple reply. He swallowed the pills in one gulp without a sip from his juice or the cup of water on the bedside table. Leo visibly cringed, giving Mr. Kirstein a worried look. This reaction caused the man to smile once more. He looked very pleased with himself.

“A special talent,” he said matter of factly. He winked as if to suggest something more but it was lost on Leo.

“Is there anything else you need?”

Mr. Kirstein looked very affronted when he finally started to tuck into his breakfast of bacon and French toast. Leo wasn’t sure why and didn’t bother to ask. He was about to repeat himself, unsure if Mr. Kirstein had heard him, when the man looked back up at Leo.

“Who’s your father?”

Once again, Leo was taken aback by Mr. Kirstein. “Excuse me?”

“Who was your father? I’m curious.” Mr. Kirstein was leisurely eating his breakfast while keeping his face mostly turned toward Leo. He did indeed seem very curious as he chewed slowly.

Leo gulped. Mr. Kirstein wasn’t that old so perhaps it was safe to explain his family situation. _Still_ , Leo thought _, better safe than sorry_. It would suck to have all his training wasted with one bad comment from a bigoted jerk. Leo has been in this situation before and knew how to hedge around such questions without lying.

“I never knew my father,” Leo stated bluntly. He hoped that would be that. He couldn’t tell Mr. Kirstein about someone he didn’t know anything about. Leo was surprised, then, when Mr. Kirstein seemed even more curious. The man had put down his utensils and was actually giving Leo his full attention.

“Neither did I. So what was it? Why’d he leave?” Mr. Kirstein now had a new air about him. He almost seemed younger and... full of life.

“Y-you first,” Leo said hesitantly. He still wasn’t sure how Mr. Kirstein would take to his family, but maybe hearing his story would tell Leo decide And, if for some reason, Mr. Kirstein didn’t want to share, Leo could use that as an excuse to clam up too.

“Heh. Sure thing… You got time?”

Leo looked down at his watch, actually really hoping he did, but sadly shook his head. “I have to make my rounds again. I took too long since I wanted to introduce myself to everyone.” Leo bit his lip. “Do you think I could come back to hear?”

Mr. Kirstein nodded solemnly but offered a small smile. “I’ll be here.” Leo took off to make the rounds between his patients again.

Never has a nurse gone through his patients as fast, and yet effectively, as the new nurse of Rose Hospice did that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( Next chapter will start the storytelling of Jean's life. )) 
> 
> Ugh, this is my first fanfic since high school.
> 
> Yeah, I'm getting on the JeanMarco bandwagon. Please be aware, though, that this is not a happy-go-lucky story. I hope you all will read it for the sake of suspense and curiosity... and the feels.
> 
> And as a disclosure: There will be no sex in this work.
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


End file.
